


Catch Me a Catch

by artist_artists



Series: Catch Me a Catch 'verse [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Future Fic, M/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-02-23
Packaged: 2017-12-03 07:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artist_artists/pseuds/artist_artists
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kurt finally gets a match from the professional matchmaker he submitted his information to over a year ago, his match is really not what he expected. Takes place about five years in the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catch Me a Catch

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a short, 500ish word ficlet for my holiday cards, and then… this happened, because the other fic I’m working on right now is in an angsty, not-nice place and my brain is rebelling. Please keep in mind, though, that despite the length, it is still a silly, pointless holiday ficlet at heart! It’s fluffy and completely unrealistic but, hey, it was really fun to write! I hope it makes some of you smile, at least :)

“Well,” Kurt says as he presses the ‘end call’ button on his phone and shoves it back into the deep pockets of his winter coat, “It’s official. I’m going to be alone for Christmas.”

Rachel, who had walked a few paces ahead of him on the busy Manhattan street when he started the conversation with Finn so it would appear that she wasn’t eavesdropping, turns around and waits for him to catch up.

“Finn made plans?” she asks, biting her lip.

“Yep. He’s going to Rhode Island with his girlfriend. I guess her grandparents live there.”

Rachel sighs. “Maybe they’ll break up before then?”

“Sure, and maybe my parents’ vacation will get canceled, and my Jewish-and-thus-always-free-on-Christmas best friend’s boyfriend will change his mind about bringing her to London to visit his parents.”

“Rude!” Rachel replies, smacking his arm. “Michael and I are quite happy. And you were the one who encouraged your parents to go away this year!”

“I knooow,” Kurt groans. “And I still want them to. I just… assumed _someone_ would be willing to take me in.”

Kurt knows he shouldn’t let it bother him so much. Christmas doesn’t even have religious significance for him, and his whole family has plans to get together a few weeks into January to have a belated celebration. All of his close friends have their own family to visit, and don’t need a lonely tagalong who, unlike everyone else he knows, has not yet found someone special enough to spend every Christmas with. “I just want to be somewhere with a Christmas tree,” he tells Rachel with a sigh.

“We could put up a Christmas tree,” she says.

“I think that would just depress me more when I’m all alone on Christmas,” Kurt replies. “I’ll probably just go see a movie or something. Pretend it’s a normal day.”

“You are seriously bumming me out,” she says as they approach the subway entrance. “Maybe one of your work friends will invite you over? I mean, I can’t imagine Drunk Kathy has plans!”

“Drunk Kathy will be spending Christmas with her drunk boyfriend, no doubt.”

Rachel is so shocked she stops on the stairs next to Kurt, almost causing a disgruntled woman holding three large shopping bags to crash into her. “Sorry, sorry!” Rachel calls as Kurt grabs her arm and pulls her down the remaining steps. “Drunk Kathy has a boyfriend,” she marvels.

“I already told you this,” Kurt reminds her. “Last year? She got matched up from that matchmaker Kaylie had us all go to.”

“Oh, right! I just assumed he met her and wasn’t interested. Has it really been a year?”

“Yeah. And she seems really happy.”

“Well, good for Drunk Kathy,” Rachel says as she swipes her MetroCard and walks through the turnstile.

“Yeah,” Kurt mumbles as he follows her. “Good for her.”

“I didn’t know you were still so bitter about the matchmaker thing, Kurt.”

It’s hard not to be a little bitter about the whole situation. Last fall, a coworker of his named Kaylie had invited all of the single women and gay men in their department to her day-long bachelorette outing, which had included spa treatments, two wonderful meals, and a trip to the office of a professional matchmaker, where she paid the small fee required of them to fill out a questionnaire, have a quick interview with “Dr. Jenny,” and be added to the matchmaking database. It had been silly, and fun, and no one expected much of anything to come of it.

By December, every one of them had gotten a call to say a match had been found for them. Everyone except Kurt. He didn’t even _want_ to meet a guy that way, but how was it possible that there was no one for him? The main fee of the program wasn’t charged until after a match was found and offered to the customer, so Kurt had assumed that everyone would be matched up quickly and haphazardly. But Kurt had never gotten a phone call. It was like he hadn’t filled out the application or suffered through the embarrassing private interview at all.

“I’m not bitter,” Kurt lies. “And they probably just got my phone number wrong and haven’t been able to reach me.”

“That could be,” says Rachel. “ _Or_ they haven’t found anyone because no man in the world is good enough for you!”

Kurt rolls his eyes, but doesn’t argue. He knows Rachel’s just trying to cheer him up. The two of them come to a stop near the edge of the platform to wait for their train, and Rachel, as always, leans forward to glance down the dark tunnel and see if she can see headlights yet. They’ve lived here for five years, and she still hasn’t gotten over the excitement of seeing the train approaching.

“Anyway,” Rachel says after a moment, “I wouldn’t worry about the Christmas thing quite yet. It’s still weeks away!” She leans forward again and jumps back excitedly. “The train’s coming!”

Kurt doesn’t glance at his phone again until the end of their long ride home to Brooklyn, when he resurfaces on the street near their apartment. He has one missed call from an unfamiliar number and a new voicemail, probably received when his phone was out of service underground. As soon as they’re inside where it’s quieter, he calls his voicemail, enters his passcode, and is completely shocked by what he hears.

“Hi, Mr. Hummel, this is Dr. Jenny from Soulmate Connection Matchmaking Services! I know it’s been a long time since we spoke, and maybe you were losing hope, but I have _amazing_ news for you! We’ve found you a match, an _incredible_ match, the highest compatibility score we’ve ever had in this office! I’d love for you to come back in so we can talk about getting you two together! I’m so sorry I missed you, I wanted to be the one to give you the great news! I’m leaving, but my receptionist Lynn is going to be here until 6, if you want to call and make an appointment! I’m looking forward to seeing you!”

Kurt saves the message and ends the call. Rachel is standing nearby, looking concerned. “What’s wrong?” she asks. “Who was that?”

“The matchmaking lady that we were just talking about,” he says, voice shaking. He hadn’t even brought up the matchmaking thing in months. It’s almost like he summoned her. “Apparently, she finally found me a match.”

-

Kurt has no intention of calling Lynn to schedule an appointment. Why would he? He had never wanted to be paired up by a matchmaking service. The application had been submitted only to appease a friend, and he had only been upset by the idea that there was no one for him. Now, armed with the knowledge that there _was_ a match for him, just like everyone else, he should be able to get over the bitterness this whole situation had left him with.

But… Dr. Jenny had mentioned something about the highest compatibility score they’ve ever had. Kurt wonders if that’s just a line she uses on every customer in an attempt to convince them to come back in. Maybe she had misplaced his application, only to discover it today, notice it was 14 months old, and immediately pair him off with the last gay guy who was put into the database, hoping that Kurt would still be interested if she made up some bullshit about a really high compatibility score.

“You should call,” Rachel tells him. “What’s the worst that could happen? A bad date?”

“I have to pay tons of money to even get the guy’s name,” Kurt replies. “So, the worst that can happen is I pay hundreds of dollars for a bad date, actually.”

“You might get to have sex, though!”

“I can have sex without paying hundreds of dollars,” Kurt points out.

Rachel mumbles something that sounds like, “Could’ve fooled me,” under her breath.

“I’m not calling,” he insists.

“Fine. But you’re not allowed to whine about how you’re single and lonely anymore if you keep passing up opportunities like this!”

She does have a point. It’s not like Kurt never has an opportunity to date. Guys show interest in him fairly frequently, but he turns them away, sometimes subtly, other times in a more direct manner. He had tried casual dating in between Blaine and Derek, but, as expected, it didn’t suit him. Kurt craves stability and commitment - a love that will _last._ That’s what he’s always wanted, but as he nears 25, it’s even more important to him. Humoring every guy in the city who finds him attractive with a few dates and an orgasm or two isn’t going to help him find his soulmate. It will just leave him feeling lonelier and more hopeless.

Maybe he’s being cynical. Maybe this place really _has_ found him someone he has a real chance with. It _is_ called Soulmate Connection, after all. People just looking for a quick lay didn’t sign up for things like this.

He puts off making the decision until 5:55, when he lets his curiosity and optimism get the better of him. He calls the matchmaking office’s number, half-hoping that Lynn is gone already, but she answers the phone and becomes giddy after he’s introduced himself.

“Oh, Mr. Hummel!” she gushes. “Dr. Jenny is going to be _so happy_ you called!”

Kurt can only hope that he’ll be happy that he called, too.

-

He takes a long lunch at work the next day so he can head uptown to see Dr. Jenny. Lynn sends him back right away with a big grin. Dr. Jenny’s office is large and comfortable, full of bright colors and framed wedding pictures, presumably of people she’s helped to match up. There are no diplomas of any sort, which Kurt can only assume means she is not actually a doctor. There’s a computer desk and with a few office chairs, which is where they had been seated during the interview last year, but today Dr. Jenny motions for him to sit on the couch against the wall. After grabbing a thick manila folder from her desk, she sits down next to him.

“You have no idea how thrilled I was to hear you called,” she says, tucking her frizzy red hair behind her ear. It pops back out immediately, though, falling back into her face. “After waiting so long, I was afraid you would have met someone by now.”

“Nope,” Kurt says, his cheeks turning red. “Still just as single as last year.”

“Good! I promise, your match will be worth the wait. Someone signed up this week and when we added their results to the database, something _amazing_ happened. Your compatibility rating with this gentleman is a 3.98!”

Kurt cocks his head to one side. “That… doesn’t sound very high.”

“Oh, I promise you, it is very high. The highest we’ve ever seen here! I can explain the algorithm we use again, if you-”

“No, no that’s okay,” Kurt assures her. He remembers how confusing the explanation had been the year before. “So… 3.98 is good.”

“ _Amazing_ ,” she says. “I sometimes match people who hit 2.5, if I have a good feeling about them. Anything over a 3 is great, and anything over a 3.5 has a 95% success rate! Of those 95%, 80% were married within two years of being matched!”

“That’s… great,” Kurt replies, overwhelmed by the numbers and statistics. It sounds good, at least. It sounds like a whole lot of people who don’t have to spend Christmas alone anymore.

“I’m so glad you think so,” she says with a wide grin. “Now, since your friend paid the fee last time, we don’t actually have a credit card on file for you. Do you have one with you?”

“Um… yeah, I’ve got my wallet, so…”

“Wonderful! Lynn will help you with that on your way out. Assuming you’re interested in having the information, of course.” She offers the manila envelope to him. “I mean, I’ve never had anyone above a 3.5 turn this down, but you’re not _obligated_ to take it. I was able to speak with your match on the phone yesterday, and he agreed to take the information, so as soon as you accept, I can tell him to drop on by to pick up his copy, too. He seems very excited!”

Kurt stares at the envelope for a moment, wondering if what’s inside of it will change his life. “Well,” he says, taking breath, “I guess I can’t turn down a 3.98.”

-

Kurt doesn’t open the envelope right away. Part of him wants to rip it open right there at the reception desk as soon as Lynn swipes his credit card, but he waits. Dr. Jenny had given him a rundown of the contents. Most importantly, it includes his match’s name, age, and email address. Apparently, any info beyond this would have to be offered by choice by the matches to each other to help avoid lawsuits, which Kurt thinks is strange, since he’d also had to sign a waiver basically stating that he can’t sue the company if his match turns out to be a serial killer or something. The envelope also includes a packet with suggestions on how to give your match a better chance at success, and another packet explaining the follow-up surveys the office will be conducting in order to keep their statistics current. This packet also contains a sheet of paper detailing Soulmate Connection’s (limited) satisfaction guarantee.

He manages to tuck the large envelope into his bag and leave it until after work, but by the time he’s collapsed into a seat on the subway home, he’s run out of patience. The name of the guy that Dr. Jenny thinks is his soulmate is inside of this envelope, and, as a voicemail from Dr. Jenny left at 3:14 pm informed him, that guy is somewhere in the city, holding an envelope just like this one. It’s silly of course, but maybe Dr. Jenny’s right. All of his friends that were matched up by her are still happy in their relationships. Kurt pulls the envelope from his bag, undoes the clasp, and removes the large stack of papers inside.

On the very top sheet, under a boring form letter congratulating him on his match, it says in large, bold print:

**Sebastian Smythe, age 23**

Kurt lets out a loud, startled laugh, which earns him a reproachful glare from the woman seated to his left. He mumbles an apology, though he’s not quite sure why laughing in an already noisy train car is offensive, and looks back to the paper. Under the name, there’s an email address, but, as Dr. Jenny said, no further information.

Kurt knows it can’t possibly be the Sebastian Smythe he knew in high school. He’s hundreds of miles away from Ohio, first of all, and surely Sebastian Smythe is a fairly common name amongst rich, preppy guys. God, Kurt hasn’t even _thought_ of Sebastian since he was a teenager. He isn’t even sure if Sebastian is actually 23 years old.

Not that it matters. This couldn’t be the Sebastian Smythe he knew, because Kurt would _certainly_ not have a 3.98 match with that guy. They had hated each other immediately, and the only thing that they’d had in common was an attraction to Kurt’s boyfriend. There’s no way even the most basic questionnaire and interview process could have possibly paired the two of them up as a potential match.

The name haunts him, though, and by the time he’s eaten dinner that night, he still hasn’t received an email from his match. _Sebastian Smythe_ , he reminds himself. He has a name now. If the other guy had been so enthusiastic, wouldn’t he have emailed right away? According to Dr. Jenny, Sebastian had picked up his envelope four hours ago. What’s stopping him?

Maybe what’s stopping Sebastian is the exact same thing that’s stopping Kurt - the jarring familiarity of the name in the envelope.

When Kurt asks Rachel for her opinion, she frowns.

“You can’t tell from the picture if it’s him?”

“There is no picture,” Kurt tells her.

“No picture! What kind of matchmaking service is this?”

“One of the questions we had to answer on the survey was whether or not we cared about seeing the photos of people,” says Kurt uneasily. He hadn’t even remembered that until now. “I checked the ‘no, looks are not important to me’ box.”

Rachel raises an eyebrow. “So you lied.”

“I was in front of all of my work friends!” Kurt exclaims. “I didn’t want them to think I was a bad person.”

“And now you will probably pay for that with an ugly soulmate.”

“If he’s actually my soulmate, I really couldn’t care less what he looks like. And, hey, if he got matched up to me even without a picture of me in the database, that means he must think looks aren’t important, too.”

“That is a good quality to have,” Rachel agrees. “Of course, it might just mean he’s ugly. Or fat!”

“I wouldn’t care,” Kurt insists, though his mind has started conjuring up some truly horrendous images of what his match might look like.

Rachel ignores his remark. “I hope your Sebastian is as hot as Sebastian Warbler.”

Kurt scrunches up his nose in disgust. “Sebastian wasn’t hot, Rachel.” The guy wasn’t hideously deformed or anything, but really, Sebastian Smythe had been nothing special.

“Oh, come on! He was dreamy. His douchiness must have blinded you.”

“You know, his douchiness could have _actually_ blinded Blaine,” Kurt shoots back.

“Hey, I’m not defending the guy’s character,” she says, throwing up her arms in surrender. “I’m just saying he was attractive, and I hope your guy is, too.”

Kurt gives her a hopeful look. “So you don’t think this Sebastian is the guy from high school?”

“Nah,” she says. “It can’t be. That would be way too weird!”

“Yeah,” Kurt says, but he still isn’t convinced. “Why do you think he hasn’t emailed yet? He must have been excited, he went down the matchmaking place to get the results almost immediately after I signed the papers saying they could be released.”

Rachel just shrugs. “Maybe he’s shy,” she suggests. “Do him a favor and email him first!”

Kurt waits another hour, in case his match is working on a long, eloquent message that’s just taking a really long time. By 8:30, he convinces himself to sit down with his laptop and start writing a message. He had told himself he wasn’t going to mention the name coincidence at all, but after typing a greeting and introducing himself, it’s all Kurt can think to type.

_This is a strange question, I know, but did you happen to go to Dalton Academy in Westerville, OH?_

Kurt sends the email, hoping this guy won’t be too offended that his first message was so bland. Until Kurt knows for sure, though, he’ll be too distracted to have any meaningful interactions with his match.

He wills himself to walk away from the computer and go do something productive, but within a few minutes, his phone lights up with a notification - an email from Sebastian Smythe.

The email is even shorter than the one Kurt had sent, and says simply:

_Fuck. I was hoping it wouldn’t actually be you._

Kurt groans and tosses his phone to the other side of the couch, no intention of replying to the email. “That bitch robbed me,” he mutters.

-

That night, Kurt is restless, kept awake by the crushing disappointment of the failed match. Until he got that email from Sebastian, Kurt hadn’t realized how badly he’d wanted things to work out. He’s mad at himself for getting so wrapped up in this stupid matchmaker business, mad at Dr. Jenny for sucking at her job, and mad at Sebastian for still managing to be a destructive force in Kurt’s life years after high school. He hardly gets any sleep at all that night. When his alarm goes off in the morning, it feels like he hasn’t slept, but his phone is lit up with a bunch of new notifications, so he knows he must have drifted off for at least a little while.

In his email inbox, there’s another reply from Sebastian.

_That bitch robbed me._

Kurt can’t help but laugh as he types out his reply, but he doesn’t mention that he’d had the exact same thought.

_It’s good to know you’re still as pleasant as you were in high school._

He sends the email, then drags himself out of bed to get ready for work.

-

Kurt’s not _technically_ supposed to use his work computer for personal stuff, but when he has some down time that afternoon, he opens a web browser so he can sign into his email and start drafting a message to Dr. Jenny. He and Sebastian don’t fit the criteria for the money-back guarantee outlined in the packet, since they have not yet attempted to go on five dates, but Kurt’s sure that their extenuating circumstances will get them the refund they deserve. Surely, there must be an exception for people who are paired up and already know and hate each other?

He’s in the middle of describing, in great detail, that time the his “soulmate” put Kurt’s high school boyfriend in the hospital, when a chat invite appears in his inbox. It’s from Sebastian, which is surprising. Kurt’s too intrigued to do anything but accept the invite and wait for Sebastian to start talking.

_Sebastian Smythe: I’m going to sue this woman and put her whole ridiculous company out of business._

_Kurt Hummel: We signed waivers saying we can’t sue, genius._

_Sebastian Smythe: Waivers only exist to scare people into thinking they can’t start litigation. I probably have no chance if you’re not willing to join the lawsuit, though._

_Kurt Hummel: I’m not._

_Sebastian Smythe: Still useless, then. Good to know._

_Sebastian Smythe: I’m going to rip her apart on that first follow-up survey, at least._

_Kurt Hummel: Have fun with that._

_Sebastian Smythe: What, you’re not going to? The fact that we were matched up is PROOF that this whole thing is a sham. I can’t believe you’re not angry._

_Kurt Hummel: I’m annoyed, but I guess I just expect all romantic endeavors of mine to be total disasters. I’m used to it._

_Sebastian Smythe: And still a drama queen, too!_

_Kurt Hummel: Okay, I’M the drama queen, even though you’re the one insisting on filing a lawsuit because you don’t like the results you got from a matchmaker._

_Kurt Hummel: I’m actually writing an email to Dr. Jenny right now, trying to convince her that we deserve our money back because we already know and despise each other._

_Sebastian Smythe: We deserve our money back because she’s a fucking fraud. Her methods are clearly unreliable._

_Kurt Hummel: I wonder what it was in our profiles that made her think we were so compatible._

_Sebastian Smythe: We like cock. I think that’s where the similarities end._

_Kurt Hummel: Seriously, though. What did you go to school for? What do you do for a living?_

_Sebastian Smythe: Look, some of us have actual work to do at our jobs and can’t spend the day online._

_Kurt Hummel: You messaged ME!_

Sebastian signs off without replying, and Kurt can recognize a dismissal when he sees one. It had been stupid of him to try and actually ask anything personal of Sebastian. He shouldn’t have even accepted the chat invitation at all, and only focused on the important task of finishing this email demanding a refund. He closes the chat window, and doesn’t expect to hear from Sebastian again.

-

Kurt gets another email that night as he’s trying to finish his own email to Soulmate Connection, and he’s surprised to find out that it’s from Sebastian. He expects another one line complaint, but this email is a few paragraphs long. It’s a fairly detailed description of Sebastian’s academic and work life since he left Dalton. Apparently, he attended a five year accelerated program and graduated in May with a bachelor’s degree in math and master’s in finance, and he now works at an accounting firm in Manhattan. The information just confirms Kurt’s suspicions that they really have nothing in common at all. He can’t even imagine _dating_ someone in finance, let alone marrying one. What would they even talk about?

Kurt says as much in his reply to Sebastian, and adds in a few jabs about how boring his job must be, before giving Sebastian his own history - his Vogue.com internship that led to a part-time social media position throughout his four years at NYADA and now a full-time receptionist gig at the office while he goes out on auditions and hopes for his big break. He ends the email with the suggestion that Sebastian probably filled out his questionnaire with the answer sheet upside down so the scoring machine read it incorrectly. Sebastian sends him a chat almost immediately.

_Sebastian Smythe: Yes, I’m sure if it was human error, it was mine. That makes sense._

_Sebastian Smythe: Only one of us is a master of science, princess._

_Sebastian Smythe: Hint: it’s not you._

_Kurt Hummel: I was joking, relax._

_Kurt Hummel: What did you even go to a matchmaking doctor for, anyway?_

_Sebastian Smythe: … the same reason you did, I imagine? What a stupid question._

_Sebastian Smythe: And if you actually think that woman’s a doctor, you’re dumber than I thought._

_Kurt Hummel: So you went because one of your friends had a bachelorette party last year and forced everyone to sign up? Because that’s the only reason I went._

_Kurt Hummel: And I am fully aware that she calls herself a doctor under false pretenses. There were no degrees on display_ anywhere _in that office._

_Kurt Hummel: Maybe you should add that to your lawsuit._

_Sebastian Smythe: So I suppose your friend made you pay the money to accept the match, too?_

_Kurt Hummel: No. Dr. Jenny swayed me with her talk of 3.98 compatibility._

_Sebastian Smythe: She probably tells that whole ridiculous story to everyone. You know, give everyone fake numbers for what a normal match is, and then say “Wow, yours is the highest we’ve ever seen in the office!”_

_Kurt Hummel: I wouldn’t doubt it, except all of my friends got matched up awhile ago, and none of them got that spiel. They’re also all still dating the guys they met._

_Kurt Hummel: Maybe we’re just unlucky, and there was some sort of weird error with our results._

_Sebastian Smythe: Or maybe your friends aren’t really your friends, they’re plants from Soulmate Connection who were placed into your life just to convince you that this company is legit and would change your life._

_Kurt Hummel: Yes, I’m sure that’s it. I wonder how many other innocent lives they’ve ruined this way._

_Kurt Hummel: As much as I’d love to chat about your insane conspiracy theories, Fashion Battle starts in a few minutes and Rachel and I have a standing date._

Kurt signs off before Sebastian can reply. He doesn’t realize he’s smiling until Rachel raises an eyebrow at him as she carries the large popcorn bowl to the couch to get settled in to watch the show.

“What’s got you so happy?” she asks. “Who were you talking to?”

“Sebastian,” Kurt explains as he follows her. “He started talking to me when I was at work today. He has many, many complaints about this matchmaking service.”

“He made you smile, though,” Rachel points out as they sit down. She places the popcorn between them. “Maybe Dr. Jenny knows what she’s talking about.”

“Uh, no, definitely not. I’m smiling because he’s still an idiot, just like I thought, and I love being right.” Kurt reaches for the remote and turns on the television.

Rachel frowns. “That’s too bad. I was hoping he’d be more tolerable now, so you could at least take advantage of how handsome he is.”

“He’s average looking at best,” Kurt argues. “It seems like you’re a better match for him than I am.”

“Is he bi?”

“Not that I know of,” Kurt says, narrowing his eyes. “And you have a boyfriend, anyway! One who you love _so much_ you’re spending Christmas with him instead of me.”

“I was just curious,” Rachel huffs. “I’ll keep my paws off your soulmate, I promise.”

Kurt rolls his eyes, but the Fashion Battle intro starts before he can come up with a suitable reply. When the episode is over, Kurt reads for a little while before completing his nightly skincare regimen. He doesn’t remember that he wanted to finish his email to Dr. Jenny until he’s already in bed. It’s getting late, anyway, so he figures sending it out tomorrow instead won’t make that much of a difference.

-

Kurt doesn’t get the email sent the next day, either. He means to, but as soon as he opens the draft of the message on his lunch break, Sebastian sends him a message about how Fashion Battle must be rigged, because Rodrigo should have won last night. Kurt agrees, of course, that Lillyan’s design had been awful and not at all worthy of the accolades it received, but he couldn’t believe that he shared an opinion with Sebastian. He couldn’t believe Sebastian watched a reality TV show about fashion in the first place.

_Kurt Hummel: Please tell me you didn’t watch this show just so you would have an excuse to continue bugging me._

_Sebastian Smythe: And you think I’m paranoid?_

_Sebastian Smythe: No, unfortunately, I watch the show regularly._

_Kurt Hummel: Unfortunately?_

_Sebastian Smythe: My ex used to watch it and I somehow got addicted. It’s been years and I can’t stop. Kelley’s rainbow hair and hideous personality really sucked me in._

_Kurt Hummel: I just can’t see you watching a show about fashion. I’ve seen the way you dress._

_Sebastian Smythe: Maybe, in the five years since high school, my style has changed._

_Kurt Hummel: I hope so!_

_Sebastian Smythe: Don’t get too excited. It hasn’t._

_Kurt Hummel: Still failing to see how anyone could possibly think you’re my soulmate._

_Sebastian Smythe. I don’t know, now we know we have cocks AND bad reality TV in common._

-

Kurt never finishes that email to Dr. Jenny. He spends the next three weeks talking back and forth with Sebastian through email and chat, and it would be hard to argue that they hate each other with all of the talking they’re doing. Their messages aren’t even rude anymore, really, at least not to each other. As it turns out, both Kurt and Sebastian have an affinity for complaining excessively about incompetent coworkers. They have a particularly long, detailed exchange about the violent fantasies they have about the groups of people who clog up office hallways by walking slowly and just far enough away from each other to block anyone from passing them. Sebastian had ended the exchange with an email saying:

_We better hope none of our waddling coworkers die under suspicious circumstances, because if they search everyone’s computers, these emails are pretty incriminating._

It’s nice to have someone to complain to. They talk about more than that, though, and soon their conversations include reviews of the latest Fashion Battle episode, and some talk of their favorite contestants from previous years. They talk about everyday stuff, too. Sebastian knows about the latest inappropriate joke from Jill, the woman in the mailroom who relentlessly hits on Kurt, and Kurt knows about the big work project Sebastian has to finish by the 20th. It’s nice to have another person to share this stuff with. Kurt has Rachel, of course, and the friends he’s made at work, and he talks to them quite often, but the conversation inevitably turns to their significant others, or how excited they are for Christmas. Kurt finds it exhausting.

When his first follow-up survey arrives from Soulmate Connection, Kurt can’t bring himself to write anything negative. Sure, they’re not dating, and he can’t imagine they're actually soulmates, but the matchmaker did set him up with someone he gets along with and enjoys talking to, against all odds. Kurt sends the survey back the next day without mentioning it to Sebastian, who hasn’t brought up the survey at all since the first day they talked.

That Saturday morning, when Kurt is chatting with Sebastian while he has breakfast, they start talking about a just-released French film that they both want to see, Kurt makes the suggestion before he takes the time to think about it.

_Kurt Hummel: We could go see it, if you’re free at all this weekend? Rachel hates movies with subtitles, and seeing movies alone is depressing._

There’s a long pause after Kurt sends the message, giving him plenty of time to freak out about what he’s done. It had seemed like a natural thing to ask, but maybe this relationship only worked when they weren’t faced with each other. Maybe this will scare Sebastian off.

_Kurt Hummel: I realize that might have been a stupid thing to ask. We don’t even have each other’s phone numbers, I shouldn’t be asking you to hang out._

Sebastian doesn’t reply right away, but Kurt’s phone rings. The call is from a number he doesn’t recognize, and normally he would let it go to voicemail, but he desperately needs a distraction as Sebastian continues to not answer his message.

“Hello?”

“You have your phone number in your email signature,” says a vaguely familiar voice. “And now you have mine.”

“… Sebastian?”

“Nope, it’s actually Jill the mailroom creep,” Sebastian says. Kurt can practically hear him rolling his eyes. “Let’s go this afternoon. I’m bored.”  
  


-

It’s not a date. It’s totally not a date. Neither of them ever said the word ‘date’ at all during the planning, and they only meet up a few minutes before the movie starts, so there’s not much time for small talk. Rachel was right, though, Sebastian really is incredibly attractive. He’s not even dressed badly, either - not fancy, but his clothes fit him well, at least. Kurt had feared some awkwardness when they first saw each other in person, but he feels comfortable with Sebastian.

“Do you want to grab dinner somewhere?” Sebastian asks as they’re leaving the theater.

“I have dinner plans with Rachel tonight, actually,” says Kurt, disappointed that he has to turn down the offer. Sebastian looks disappointed, too, so Kurt continues. “But I’m not meeting her until eight, so we could get coffee or something, and discuss the film?”

Sebastian smiles. “Yeah, sure. That would be great.”

They talk about the movie for a few minutes before Sebastian changes the subject.

“Did you send your follow-up survey back yet?”

Kurt’s surprised. He had thought they were just going to ignore that subject forever. “Um, yeah, earlier this week. Did you mention your lawsuit?”

“Nah,” Sebastian says. “I couldn’t even think of anything bad to say about you, isn’t that awful?”

“Terrible,” agrees Kurt with a grin. “I couldn’t, either.” He wants to ask if this is a date, because it’s really starting to feel like one. But Kurt is the one who asked him to the movie in the first place, and he’s afraid Sebastian will turn the question back around on him. Kurt wouldn’t know how to answer.

“I have to say, this is not really what I expected would happen when I signed up for a matchmaking service,” says Sebastian.

“Oh? What did you expect?”

Sebastian thinks for a moment. “Well, to wait a long time, first of all. She said it could take months to find someone who was compatible enough. But then I got a call the next day.”

Kurt snorts. “That’s because my pathetic little file had been waiting there for 14 months for anything even remotely compatible, I guess.”

“Fourteen months?”

“Yep,” Kurt says drily. “Everyone I went with was matched up within a few months.”

Sebastian frowns. “If it had been that long, and you weren’t even interested in signing up in the first place, why did you bother going back in?”

“I wasn’t going to, at first,” Kurt admits. “This is not the way I want to meet a guy. But… I don’t know, I’m lonely, I guess, and she seemed so excited about the match. I didn’t want to not try, and then wonder if I made a huge mistake.”

“How long have you and Blaine been broken up?”

“A long time. Since I was a freshman in college. The distance just didn’t work for us. And then I dated another guy for almost three years, all of which I spent trying to convince myself that were far more serious than we actually were.”

“Ouch,” Sebastian says, wincing.

“Yeah, it wasn’t great. He was older, and really successful, and gorgeous, so I really wanted to believe that it meant something.” Kurt sighs. “Okay, your turn. I know you have at _least_ one ex, since you blamed him for your Fashion Battle addiction. I won’t lie, after the way you were in high school, I was really surprised you had done any serious dating at all.”

Sebastian laughs. “I was surprised, too,” he says. “We weren’t, like, some great love story or anything, but he was my first boyfriend, and I dated him for a few years in college. It was… nice. I didn’t know I wanted something like that until I had it, you know? But I haven’t been in a serious relationship since then. I’m not very good at meeting people that are interested in a long-term relationship. Guys get creeped out if you say that upfront.”

“Yeah,” Kurt says. “I have the same problem. I just… don’t really date much at all. Which I guess is why Dr. Jenny and her 3.98 soulmate compatibility rating sucked me in.”

They’re getting into some real date-like territory now, discussing their romantic history, but it’s time for Kurt to leave and meet Rachel, and they part without anything too intimate. No touching at all, actually, just an exchange of goodbyes and a promise to talk later.

-

“I think I want to ask Sebastian out,” Kurt tells Rachel soon after they sit down to dinner. “Is that crazy?”

Rachel raises an eyebrow. “After the past three weeks? Not really.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you talk to him or _about_ him all the time. And the soulmate lady said you’re compatible!”

Kurt groans. “I knooow. And I’m pretty sure she’s right. He’s gorgeous and he makes me laugh. And we want the same things, which I never would have expected!”

“You didn’t expect him to want a serious relationship even though you met him through a matchmaking service called Soulmate Connection?”

“I guess once I knew it was Sebastian, I wasn’t thinking very clearly,” Kurt admits. “We get along really well, though.”

“And you’ve finally admitted that he’s hot! I’m so proud of you, Kurt, admitting your mistakes like a grown-up!” gushes Rachel.

“Maybe I’m just getting desperate as I age,” Kurt suggests.

“Come on, Kurt, you’re 24, it’s not like you’re an old maid or something. And this doesn’t make you desperate, anyway. Didn’t you say you practically made Dr. Jenny cry with how perfect you are for each other? He’s smart, he’s hot, he has a good job, you guys get along, and most importantly, he was willing to see that boring movie with you!”

“Shut up, the movie was _excellent_.”

“And you’ve found the one person in the world who agrees with you about that,” Rachel replies with a smug smile.

-

Kurt almost sends Sebastian an email that night asking if he has a night free sometime this week to have dinner, since Kurt couldn’t take him up on the offer earlier. Then he decides he should wait until he sees Sebastian come online so they can discuss it in real time. Sebastian doesn’t come on, though, and after about an hour, Kurt remembers that they exchanged phone numbers today, and he could just text Sebastian. Or call, but it’s almost midnight. He promises himself that he’ll call Sebastian tomorrow.

Late the next morning, Kurt’s still working up the nerve to make the phone call. Rachel is puttering around the loft, getting ready to spend the day out with Michael, and she keeps giving him what she thinks are encouraging remarks.

To shut her up, he finally takes out his phone, but before he can make the call, his phone starts to ring.

“It’s Sebastian,” he tells Rachel.

“Oh, thank God one of you has balls,” she says. “Answer it!”

He glares at her before picking up the phone and heading toward his bedroom area to gain some semblance of privacy.

“Hey,” he greets Sebastian.

“Hi. Is this a bad time? I can call back later.”

“No, it’s fine,” Kurt assures him. “All I was doing was watching Rachel decide which bra to wear on her date.”

Sebastian laughs. “That sounds… sort of horrifying.”

“It’s not my favorite activity, no. So what’s up?”

There’s a short pause before Sebastian speaks. “Well, my company’s having a Christmas party this week. Friday. It’s the 22nd, I think? And I was wondering if you’d like to come? If you don’t have plans. I know a lot of people are leaving town Friday night, but-”

“I’d love to,” Kurt says, trying not to sound quite as gleeful as he feels. “I’m free that night.”

“Oh,” Sebastian says, like he didn’t think it would be that easy. “Cool. It’s not going to be anything exciting, though.” Then, in a teasing tone, he adds, “You know, just a bunch of boring math people.”

“Hmmm. Math people,” Kurt says, pretending to reconsider. “But they’ll have liquor, I imagine?”

Sebastian laughs. “Yep. Definitely enough liquor to make you forget you’re in a room full of accountants.”

“Then I’m in,” Kurt says, biting his lip to keep from squealing. He didn’t even have to do the asking, and he has a date. This has worked out amazingly.

They talk for a few more minutes before Sebastian excuses himself to go run errands. Rachel is waiting in the living room, looking excited.

“That sounded like a happy phone call,” she says.

“He invited me to his office Christmas party on Friday night.”

Rachel grins. “Yay! You have a boyfriend!”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that,” Kurt says, starting to doubt himself. “I mean… technically, I guess he didn’t even say it was a date.”

Rachel sighs in frustration. “Don’t start this again. It’s a date! And you’re going to be boyfriends! And maybe he’ll spend Christmas with you so you can stop making me feel guilty about having my own plans.”

“Christmas is a week away,” Kurt points out.

“Well, maybe next year. Or maybe he has no plans, either,” Rachel says. “Maybe you _are_ soulmates, and this was all meant to happen exactly this way. I had to decide on a bra without you, by the way.”

“I’m sure your choice is fine,” Kurt replies, happy for the abrupt subject change. He doesn’t want to get ahead of himself with Sebastian, only to be let down.

“Yeah,” she says, turning back to her full-length mirror and smoothing down her sweater. “It should work.”

-

When Kurt arrives at Sebastian’s apartment building on Friday night so they can go to the party together, he’s still is not 100% sure whether or not this is a date. He’s talked with Sebastian a lot this week, even more than usual since they’ve exchanged numbers, but the subject hasn’t really come up. Sebastian’s greeting, though, is a good indication. His smile is warm, his gaze moves up and down Kurt’s body, and he tells Kurt he looks great.

“Thanks,” Kurt says, smiling in return. “You, too.” This is definitely a date.

But once they arrive at the party, Sebastian doesn’t take Kurt’s arm or hold his hand or introduce him with a title other than his first name. They grab some drinks and retreat into a relatively quiet corner not too far from the dessert table, where they help themselves to cookies and brownies while Sebastian points out some of the incompetent coworkers who have featured heavily in his emails.

“That’s Vanessa,” he says, nodding his head toward a large woman in a hideous glittery red dress. “She’s the worst of the hall cloggers. Her and….” He looks around. “Tim, over there. They’re both married, but I’m about 95% sure they’re having an affair. And that woman in the purple is Michelle, the-”

“Squeaky-voiced woman,” Kurt finishes for him. “You’ll have to introduce me.”

“Only if you promise not to laugh in her face. She’s sensitive. Oh, okay, John just walked in, I haven’t told you about him yet. He’s sort of like my Inappropriate Jill. I don’t see him much anymore, because he got transferred, but he used to ask me out _all_ the time. I even told him I was straight to get him off my back.”

“Wow,” Kurt says, “it must have been bad, then.”

“Just… super annoying,” Sebastian replies. “I’d tell him I fucked dogs if that kept him away.”

This causes Kurt to choke on his drink, and Sebastian smirks at him.

“Are you ready for another one?” Sebastian asks. Kurt nods through his coughs, and they head back over to the liquor table. After they have refilled their drinks and are on their way back to their corner, a bleached blond woman in her 40s, clearly intoxicated, steps in front of them.

“Nuh uh uh,” she says, shaking her head. “You boys are under the mistletoe! You can’t pass until you kiss!”

“Heather…” Sebastian warns through gritted teeth.

“I’m just trying to help you out!” she says, turning to Kurt. “You know, Sebastian here has been talking about you for weeks!”

Kurt’s pretty shocked by the information, but Sebastian looks mortified enough as it is, so he tries not to show it. “I thought accountants would be more mature than this,” he says.

“Well, we’re not,” says a younger, dark-haired woman standing next to Heather. “Every other couple had to kiss before we let them walk by, so come on, give us a show!”

Kurt is pretty sure that no other couple has been forced to kiss here, but he just rolls his eyes and leans in closer to Sebastian, who still looks uncomfortable. Kurt means to just give him a quick peck so they can get away from these awful women, but as soon as their lips touch, Kurt is very reluctant to pull away. Sebastian makes a soft, surprised noise, but he presses forward instead of backing up, and brings a hand up to cup Kurt’s face as they kiss. It’s not how Kurt imagined the first kiss with his alleged soulmate would go, but it’s a nice moment nonetheless. Kurt even forgets that they have a fairly large audience of drunk accountants until he hears a woman start to cheer them on. Kurt and Sebastian both pull back immediately, and Sebastian starts to laugh when Kurt catches his eye.

“Are you happy now?” Sebastian asks Heather. Apparently, he’s regained his composure.

“Very!” she says. “You’re welcome, by the way!”

Sebastian rolls his eyes, takes hold of Kurt’s arm, and leads him back through the crowd of onlookers.

“Your coworkers are horrible,” Kurt says as he’s pulled back toward their secluded corner. The liquor is really starting to hit him now, either that or it’s the excitement from the public kiss that’s making everything feel a bit blurry and warm.

“They really are. Do you want to get out of here?” Sebastian asks once they’ve distanced themselves from the group huddled around the mistletoe. “I’ve made an appearance, so…”

“Yes,” Kurt replies, not caring how eager he sounds. “We should get out of here. To… talk.”

“Right,” Sebastian agrees, his eyes on Kurt’s lips. “Talk.”

It takes a few minutes for Sebastian and Kurt to down their drinks and say their goodbyes, and Kurt is uncomfortable the whole time, feeling someone’s eyes on him. He doesn’t understand it until he and Sebastian are putting on their coats, and Kurt notices that John is scowling at him from across the room.

“Hey,” Kurt says, nudging Sebastian’s shoulder and nodding discreetly toward John. “I think he might have seen that whole mistletoe fiasco.”

Sebastian grimaces. “Yeah, looks like it.”

“It’ll probably be hard convincing him that you’re straight now.” Kurt doesn’t realize that he’s set himself up for one of Sebastian’s patented jokes about how effeminate he is until the words have already left his mouth.

Sebastian doesn’t take the opportunity, though. He just frowns and says, “I’ll have to come up with something new, I guess.”

Once they’re in the elevator, it’s Sebastian who kisses Kurt first, rougher and more passionate than at the party, and Kurt’s suddenly very glad that he and Sebastian took their time in the corridor and waited for the crowd ahead to get their own elevator. It’s only a 13 floor ride down, unfortunately, and for the first time in his life, Kurt actually wishes that the elevator would get stuck between floors. By the time they reach the lobby, Sebastian has Kurt pressed up against the back of the elevator, but he quickly backs off when the doors open. Kurt takes a few deep breaths as they cross the lobby, trying to cool down, and preparing himself to inform Sebastian that he was being serious when he said he wanted to talk. Potential soulmate or not, Kurt doesn’t want to sleep with him tonight. He’s never had first date sex that he hasn’t regretted, and he doesn’t want to start this off on a bad note.

Before Kurt can say anything, Sebastian turns to him and says, “There’s a diner a few blocks from here. We could go get coffee or something?”

-

“So…” Kurt begins after a few minutes of small talk in their booth at the diner. “This was a date, then?”

Sebastian laughs. “Was that unclear?”

“Slightly,” Kurt admits with a smile. “I mean, I was about 95% sure it was, but then you stuck your tongue in my mouth on the elevator so I figured that really sealed the deal.”

The waitress comes over then to drop off the order of french fries Sebastian asked for, and he thanks her profusely as she walks away.

“You should try some,” Sebastian says to Kurt. “They’re amazing.”

“We just spent an hour stuffing ourselves with sugary treats,” Kurt replies. “I can’t believe you can eat one more bite after all those cookies you had.”

“Hey, I work out a lot, okay? This relationship is never going to work if you judge my eating habits,” jokes Sebastian.

“I wasn’t judging,” Kurt assures him, trying not to grin too much at the use of the word ‘relationship.’ That settles that, then. “I was… marveling. I have a terrible diet, too. I’m jealous, really. I wish I wasn’t so full. They look delicious.”

“You should try one,” Sebastian repeats, holding out a fry.

“If you insist,” Kurt sighs, taking the fry. Sebastian’s right - it tastes amazing, and Kurt knows he won’t be able to just have the one.

Sebastian raises an eyebrow at him. “Should I just move the plate to the center of the table then?”

“Yeah,” Kurt says, defeated. “That’s probably best. But if I throw up, I’m blaming you.”

-

Sebastian walks Kurt to the subway after they finish eating. He only lives seven blocks away, but he offers to take Kurt home.

“It’s a nice offer, but I live in Bushwick,” Kurt tells him.

“Oh, that’s… yeah, that’s kind of out of my way.”

Kurt laughs. “Yeah, just a bit. I’d offer to walk you home, but it’s really cold out, and I’m sort of lazy.”

“And you probably have to get up early for a flight?”

“A flight?” Kurt asks.

“I figured you were going to Ohio for Christmas,” Sebastian explains.

“Oh, no, I’m staying here for the holiday. My parents are on vacation.” The anticipation of his date with Sebastian this week had almost made him forget his upcoming lonely Christmas.

“I’m going to be in the city, too,” Sebastian says. “Maybe we could do something, if you’re free.”

“You don’t have plans?”

Sebastian shrugs. “I’m going to a party on Christmas Eve at my aunt’s house in New Jersey, but that’s about it. My parents are out of the country.”

“That’s great!” Kurt exclaims, unable to control his excitement. “I mean, not great that your family’s not around, but… everyone else I know has plans, and I have nothing to do with myself, so… yeah, we should definitely do something. Maybe see a movie on Christmas?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Sebastian says, smiling. “And, um… if you wanted to come to my aunt’s party, you’re welcome to. It’s just a casual thing, and she has some friends she invites, too, so it’s not just family. It’d be nice not to make the trip alone, and she’s always pestering me to bring a date.”

Kurt considers it for a moment. He knows it might a little soon to be attending family holiday parties with a guy he isn’t even ready to sleep with yet, but Kurt can’t see much harm in it. Sebastian said it was casual thing, and he wants Kurt to go. Kurt wants to go, too, wants to have real, Christmas-y plans on on his Christmas weekend that he’d been so sure would be terrible and lonely.

“I’d love to go,” Kurt says. “We can talk about the details tomorrow?”

Sebastian smiles. “Yeah, I’ll call you.”

“Okay,” Kurt says, pushing up on his toes to give Sebastian a kiss. “Good night.”

“Good night. Have a safe trip home.”

They part ways still smiling, Sebastian heading down the street and Kurt down into the subway station to catch his train. He tries not to skip down the stairs, because it wouldn’t do him any good to break a bone and ruin his Christmas all over again, but it’s hard to keep himself in check. Stopping for a moment on the platform midway down the staircase, Kurt taps out a quick text message to Rachel, who’s staying at Michael’s tonight so they can leave together for their flight tomorrow morning.

_I’m spending Christmas with Sebastian :) I think I probably owe Dr. Jenny a fruit basket._

He doesn’t think Rachel will give him any hassle about moving too fast, since she brought up the idea on her own last week. Even if she is skeptical, Kurt knows he won’t let it bother him. He feels something with Sebastian that he hasn’t felt in a really long time - promise, a spark - and he can’t wait to see how it plays out. At the moment, he’s not worried at all.

After all, they have a 3.98 compatibility score. 


End file.
